For Her

The day of the confrontation with the First, the amulet Spike's wearign activates and the battle is reaching and end...

The whole place is crumbling down; this is it… he’s not going to make it; he’s not coming out of this. He’s going to stay, he has to, he needs to finish what he’s started… for her. He does it all for her, so that she will never again have to deal with this bloody hellmouth.

But then, when he had finally made up his mind, he feels her touching him, taking his hand and entwining their fingers. He feels he hates her a little bit for doing that just now when the world is falling down on him.

Sweet temptation… that’s what she is right now, she’s every reason to give in, to say ‘screw this all’ and leave the job half done, escape from there by her hand. But he knows he can’t do that, she’s every reason to stay too.

And suddenly, maybe because of the amulet or some other reason he doesn’t understand, he doesn’t feel just his soul anymore, but he feels hers too. For the first time ever, he feels her finally his, a part of himself. In that moment, fire bursts from their joined hands, it should hurt, but strangely it doesn’t. The fire comes from themselves, from their connection, from their souls.

Then, even before her lips part to speak, he feels, he knows the words she going to say. *So that’s what she wanted to talk about last night… and I didn’t let her* He feels a bit like a fool now for not letting her last night, but anyway, it doesn’t really matter right now, maybe it’s better this way, that she tells him those words now when the world is ending for him, that way he can pretend. Pretend that they don’t have that much weight anymore, that they held no power over him, that they can’t change the finale, because this has to be done and he’s the only one that can, for her, always for her. He has to let her go.

“I love you” – There, she said them, finally the three little words he desired so much to hear.

If she said it last night, he would have said that he loved her too, that he would always love her, and he would have hold onto her words and truly believed that maybe they would have another day after this. But then, this moment, just now, it would have hurt so much more and maybe he wouldn’t have the strength to do this.

“No, you don’t, but thanks for saying it”

That’s all he can think of to tell her, to make her leave; she can’t be here any longer, she shouldn’t. This is his mission now, the mission she had chosen him for, he must stay here, finish the job, even if that means that he’s going to die, so that she will go on living. She has to go on living, so that one of them is.

And finally she leaves, maybe she understands. Understands what he’s doing, he hopes she does, that she has left knowing what his sacrifice means, that he’s letting go, that he doesn’t wish that those beautiful words he had longed to hear bind her to a death man. He hopes she knows that is not rejection what’s he’s showing her, but he’s giving her a new opportunity.

For once, he’s done something right, he’s letting her go, maybe it is him who’s gracing her with a miracle, he’s saving her for that time he couldn’t and even though there will be no tomorrow for him, there will be for her, and well… for him, that’s enough.

The End